Merdeka, Family and Grandma

Yesterday was a blast! Cousins, Uncle and Niece came over for a bbq and we ate till we couldn't move!

Grilling is my husband's hobby and yesterday he outdid himself!

There was a lot of talking, eating and laughing

Just the way we like it!

Before dinner I turned on the gaming console [it's got all those ol' skool games in it] and the noise level went up by 1000 times. 

regret.

Makan, talk about everything under the sun, complain about everything on the planet, insult each other.. you know, the typical family get together.. 

Halfway through dinner we brought out a cake! For my uncle.. His birthday is on the 14th but since we're not sure where we'll be on the 14th, we decided to celebrate his birthday 2 weeks in advance..

As usual there was the "hey! you all ah... " but secretly touched kan.. heheheheh

Everyone left at about midnight, but not before helping to clear up first if not next time cannot come over and they know it!

I woke up this morning to the fat cat making tons of noise because his food bowl was half empty.. 

annoying cat.

Filled his bowl and suddenly my phone reminder goes off

Grandma's death anniversary

What? September 1st already.. and this happens every single year

I still hate the fact that my grandmother is no longer around.. 

She passed away when I was 21.. and now I'm 35.. so that makes it 14 years ago.. 

But I still remember it like it was yesterday

Let me tell you the story..

I remember watching the Merdeka fireworks with my uni friends.. had some food at the mamak... went home.. 

I tried to sleep since 1am but kept tossing and turning.. it got to a point where it was soooo irritating I decided to just get out of bed and chill in the living room while my housemates were already snoring their heads off

2am... 3am... then slightly after 4am I felt like "okay.. sleep time"

Fell asleep... woke up 20 minutes later to my phone buzzing but I couldn't find the damn thing!!!

Found it, "2 missed calls from dad"

Oh Shit.

Phone starts buzzing again....

DAD

Oh Shit.

Dad says the words I don't want to hear:

"Chris, grandma passed away..........."

Wrecks brain for how I'm going to get back to JB..

Phone buzzes...

Uncle Duncan

Uncle Duncan asks if I wanted to follow him back to JB and I say yes, then jump up and start packing.

Left a note for housemates that said 

"Gone back to JB.. Grandma passed away :( "

The trip back was hell. I cried all the way.. 

But the worst part was when we arrived at Grandma's house. 

The minute I opened the gate.. stepped inside.. I humanly, mentally, emotionally and physically lost it

I walked straight into my dad's arms and cried.. and cried.. and cried...

Then it hit me.. "where's my sister?"

I looked for her and we both hugged and cried....

Now, why so much crying you may be asking yourself? 

My Grandmother raised us. 

My mum and dad had to work to make ends meet, pay the bills, and put food on the table for us, and so instead of sending us to a babysitter, my grandmother looked after us.

Anyway, back to the events that followed..

We all went to the funeral parlour, and there she was, waiting for us....

Again, I lost it.. but the thing is.. she looked so peaceful which made me feel a bit better but then again, not so much

During the wake, so many people showed up and we cousins got together and then found out.. ALL of us couldn't sleep till 4am that night..

When we checked my grandmother's time of death.. 

4am.

So she wanted all of us to stay awake with her, till her last breath even if we were all over the country.

Cousins volunteered to stay the whole night for the wake.. and we gambled with peanuts as our "cash"

Grandma's passing brought us closer as a family

And I recently realize that we as a family, have our own "after funeral" ritual

We go for food and drinks.

And every time we do so, it rains heavily.

this is my Grandma.... I still carry this picture of her around in my wallet, and will continue to do so forever.

You see, my grandmother had Alzheimer's or maybe Dementia..

But it was in those days where they were not sure what to call it let alone diagnose and try to give her meds...

Her memory rapidly decreased till she didn't recognize us, couldn't walk or hardly even speak anymore..

But she could smile.

I remember going to see her during one of my term breaks.. she played with my hair while I told her about everything that was happening in my life... 

I asked her "Do you remember me Grandma?"... 

She smiled and touched my face... and suddenly, out of no where, she said "Ya"..... 

I cried, hugged her and told her I'm sorry I can't see her more often.. and that I love her... she just continued to pat my head...

I hate deaths. I hate losing family members... 

I wish all of them would just be immortal so I could always see them

But life goes on, even after death

Just that with every death, it takes a part of you away with it

and every time you remember it, it hurts.

Then you update your blog, with tears rolling down your face.

Rest In Peace to all those who have left us and May we meet again when the time is right.